The Red Flags Across the Different Types of Scams

By Soraya


Many people once believed that all scams came from Nigeria or a country in that region or from the former U.S.S.R. The television show "Catfish" features scams run entirely by Americans. Reality is right down the middle; most internet romance scams do originate in countries with large scammer rings, but there are plenty of Americans, and citizens of other nations, who are perfectly willing and able to scam people in their own, or a nearby country. All scams are basically the same: someone, either individually or in a group, pretends to be a different person online with the goal of tricking those they meet into believing they are in a romantic relationship with them for the scammer's own purposes. Most of the time the real goal is money, but scammers also work to trick people into doing illegal errands for them and for revenge. But while the same thing happens to the victims, the red flags may look slightly different for each type of scam.

#1: The online crush or friend says "I love you," says they feel a connection, or wants to be your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/fiancee after only knowing you for a few days, weeks, or a month or two online and over the phone.

When this happens, you can be almost a hundred per cent sure you are talking to a scammer. It looks virtually identical across all types of scams; someone you only know well enough to call a casual friend is telling you they are in love with you and want to be with you. The first time it happens to you, it feels like a miracle, or at least immensely flattering. Sadly, everyone who has ever been scammed has heard some version of it. It is nothing more than a line from the standard scammer script.


#2: Your online love mentions an upcoming or current trip to Nigeria, Ghana, Malaysia, or a country in the former U.S.S.R.

This is the one red flag that is completely unique to Nigerian scammers. The minute someone online mentions some type of travel to Nigeria or any other country known to have large organized scam rings, you can be sure you are being targeted for the Nigerian scam. It may seem strange that they would even admit to really being in Nigeria, but remember, Nigerian scams operate to make money, and Nigeria (or the country they talk about) is where they want you to send the money. That said, American, or other "domestic" scammers DO have a version of this. A scammer from your own country who is after money may give you his or her real name, and a few real details they know you could easily look up online under that name. Like the Nigerian scammer, this type of scammer wants to make it as easy as he or she can to get your money, and in the U.S., having you send them a personal check made out to the name on their account would be the easiest way to do that. Scammers from your own country who are just out for revenge may not display this red flag simply because they are not trying to get you to send them anything.


#3: The person drops hints that they could really use some money or is in need of an expensive item they can't afford, or asks you outright to send them money or gifts.

Nigerian scammers typically do this in the form of an elaborate story unfolding around difficulty getting home from a business trip to Nigeria, Ghana, etc. Scammers are always willing to tailor their stories to each victim, but claiming that the employer they came to Nigeria to work for is withholding their pay, or that there is some type of banking mixup is common. They will then ask you or hint they would like you to send them the money for a hotel for a few days, some food, and a ticket home to you. Another common storyline revolves around children, family, and health. In these scenarios, the scammer might hint or ask for money for medical bills, school expenses for their child, help in caring for an ill parent or grandparent, and money for food or other basic expenses for their house. The more money or gifts you send, the more tragedies befall the person, each with your money or purchase being the one thing that will save them. American money scammers may also weave elaborate tales, but they tend to be a bit more subtle in their hints. They will often complain about being broke or needing things right after talking about how much they love you, want to be with you, or can't wait to see you, or bring up the subject of their financial problems in the middle of talking about your first offline meeting. Regardless of the details of the story, at its core, the person will be telling you that they want to meet up with you and be with you offline, but some type of issue that could be solved by an expensive gift or some money is standing in the way. This is done to make the victim feel they owe it to the person and to their own future happiness to send the online love the things they need, including money. Note: This is the ONE red flag that will be absent if you are being scammed by someone in your own country for revenge. Their goal is not to get anything from you, but to cause emotional pain, so they will not ask or hint for things. They will, however, borrow a page from the Nigerian scam "playbook" and invent a series of tragedies to avoid meeting you offline.


#4: The person appears to have language difficulties. You pass it off as bad typing or social awkwardness, but you can't help noticing it.

Nigerian scammers often barely speak English. You will notice very poor grammar and grasp of the language, such as "i love yoos" or "i wish for us to be as one together" or "I want relationship but with someone like you because you are nice person." This is often interspersed with long, perfectly typed paragraphs that vary in tone. The well written words will have been copied and pasted from other web sites. Repeated lines are common. American and other domestic scammers will have no trouble speaking English, but they will rely on repeated lines and phrases. This is done to buy them time while they think of the next thing to say to reel their victims in. If the American scammer is after money or a general sense of revenge on people, they will be targeting multiple victims at once and may also need to pause with one target to focus on another.


#5: Your online partner does not appear to be living the life he or she describes.

This red flag often appears in a variety of forms, among all types of scammers. Nigerian/Ghanan scammers may make more glaring errors than American scammers. They might seem confused when you mention a famous landmark or not realize the President was on television last night the morning after a state of the union address, despite claiming to be from the United States and interested in politics. Nigerian scammers always use stolen photos, and they sometimes make errors in their selections. They might send you a photo they claim is "me and my sister on our trip to New York last year" that seems real until you notice the Canadian flag on the pole in the background.
American scammers will typically know better than to make these types of mistakes, but they will often give other clues that they are living a different life than the one they describe, such as claiming they are at work in a law office every evening, but always knowing the details of what was on television and seeming very well rested for a person who was working so late or claiming to be a psychologist but having no insight into mental health questions beyond what you could have gotten yourself by reading articles online. Scammers of all types often use fake versions of their real children, or completely invented children, as an excuse to seek money, and as a way to manipulate their targets' emotions further. You might notice that children they claim to be raising alone never or almost never interrupt the chat or phone call, or that a child who is supposedly too sick to get out of bed much is running around in the background all the time.


#6: The person reminds you a lot of yourself and/ or of someone you have mentioned in emails, chat, or on your web site profile.

Regardless of where they operate from or what their true goal is, scammers are going to try to brainwash you into believing you have found your ideal match. This one can be difficult to see, because we always look for people who are a good match for us as both partners and friends. Most of us wouldn't keep up a friendship with someone we couldn't relate to in any way. But it becomes a red flag when the match is a little too perfect, or when it appears to be based entirely on details they could easily gleen from the web site where you met and your pages they can see. You talk about having an innocent crush on a married friend who is the opposite political party from you and loves Italian food and knowing another attractive man or woman who is from Seattle and used to be in a band, and your new online friend wants to engage in friendly banter about politics, says your first date is going to be at the Olive Garden, and wants to have long discussions about 90's grunge rock. You met them on Facebook and when they describe their ideal home and it sounds exactly like the one you have on your connected Pinterest page. You talk about wishing you had a large amount of money because you love travel and designer clothing, and they have a sister who works at Barney's and know how to get the best deals on luxury hotels. This will play out in a similar manner across the different types of scams. Any time you find yourself amazed at a similarity or charmed by a detail, step back and ask yourself "Is this something they could have learned I like from our chats, our emails, my profile, my Facebook or Pinterest page, or my dialogue in the main room of a chatroom?" If your answer is "yes" or "probably" then it is a red flag.


#7: Your online boyfriend or girlfriend seems to want to isolate you and/or keep you occupied.

Isolating a partner and keeping the person entirely focused on doing what the other person wants is a form of emotional abuse. Even if none of the other red flags are present, if you have begun dating someone, online or off, who demands that you spend all your time doing their chores or errands, tells you who you can and cannot be friends with or talk to (or throws a fit/pretends to be distraught in order to control your behavior), and monitors and spies on you, you have met an abuser and need to get away from this person as quickly as possible. If you see other red flags along with this one, then you are dealing with a scammer who is trying to isolate you and keep you occupied as a way to prevent the scam from being discovered and test your compliance to future demands. This is another red flag that will look pretty much the same across the different types of scams. The scammer does this to keep your mind focused on them and occupied so that you do not discuss the red flags with others or have time to sit and think about the situation and notice the red flags for yourself. Whether the scammer is from a Nigerian or other foreign scam ring, an American or resident of your country who decided to copycat the Nigerian scam, or an American scammer out for revenge, they do not want to be discovered as a scammer. They do want to make sure you will believe what they say and do as they wish. Scammers may persuade you to research jobs in their real or invented hometown, get you involved in reading or researching something for the two of you to discuss, lead you to plan a wedding, choose and design a home for the "two of you" to live in, or look into educational programs online so you can have a new career.

Five Common Misconceptions About Talking to Scammers

by Soraya Grant

 

Misconception 1: "I was able to verify that my online friend has nothing to do with Nigeria or any other country with a lot of organized scam rings. I went on the web site of the place they told me they worked, found a contact number, and called and talked to them there unexpectedly. That means this person is not a scammer."

Reality: Scams of the Heart has at least one member who was scammed after doing this very thing. It turned out to be an American, and possibly some friends of his, running a copycat of the Nigerian scam. Checking email headers and cutting off all contact if the messages are found to be coming from Nigeria, Ghana, or another country with a lot of organized scam rings is an important first step, as most scams are run by these rings. But remember that "most" does not mean the same thing as "all."

Misconception 2: "My online friend hasn't said anything about money, shipping, gifts, or banking. They didn't even hint around about it, so this is definitely not a scam."

Reality: While the vast majority of online romance scams are designed for financial gain and/or to trick someone else into taking the fall for illegal activity, there are scammers who run scams simply to hurt people. The MTV television show Catfish features many scammers who designed and implemented an online romance scam in order to get a general sense of revenge on the world, or to punish an individual they knew for doing something the scammer didn't like. A scam occurs any time a person or group of people goes online as a fake person, including a fake version of themselves, and then uses that created persona to manipulate anyone else into a false relationship with them.

Misconception 3: "People are making a big deal out of nothing. Everybody meets jerks online. If I meet a scammer I'll just quit talking to them."

Reality: Being scammed goes far beyond "meeting a jerk." We aren't talking about people who do things like set up online health support pages on Facebook just to form a little clique and get mean with people they don't find interesting, or pretend they want to make a friend and then start talking about explicit things out of the blue, or who start out nice and then start picking random fights. We are talking about people who use carefully planned brainwashing methods to manipulate others for their own personal gain. That goes a bit beyond your ordinary online "jerk" or "troll." It is possible to just quit talking to someone who you realize is a scammer right away, or very early in what you believe to be the relationship, but once you have been lead to believe that this is a person who loves you and who you love in return, it is not going to be so easy to just let it go. Scammers do a great deal of emotional and psychological damage.

Misconception 4: "I am seeing a lot of red flags for an online romance scam, but the situation could be real this time."

Reality: If you are seeing a lot of signs of a scam, then it's a scam. Pretend you hired me to housesit this Saturday afternoon through Sunday afternoon. I promised you that I would keep the house empty and calm, and spend the time reading and watching TV, only talking to friends via my cell phone and personal laptop. When I arrive to set myself up in your guest room, you notice that in addition to a change of clothes and my hygiene items, I have also brought a cocktail dress, heels, and makeup. When you look in the grocery bags I brought "so I wouldn't eat up all your food" you find an assortment of drinks, several bags of chips, and a flyer with a special price on large orders from the local pizza place. Would you assume that I am the one housesitter who eats several times more than the average person during a weekend and likes to get dressed up to sit and watch movies alone? Or would you see all the signs of someone about to have a party in your house, and tell me you won't be needing me after all before I trash your place? Apply this same logic to your online contact's behavior. Scammers count on their targets refusing to accept the red flags that indicate a scam.

Misconception 5: "I'm not worried. If anyone scams me, I will go after them. They do it on Catfish all the time"

Reality: Catfish does a great service. It brings romance scams to the public's attention. Most of what the show teaches is a good way to handle online relationships; look for red flags, ask a lot of questions, research the person and any places they claim a connection to, refuse to make any promises before you know the person well. However, there are two features of the show Catfish that make great reality tv, but do not reflect the true reality of most scams.

The first is that they treat the scammer as though they are just socially awkward or struggling with mental health issues and need some help to function in the world. When you see a scammer respond positively to this type of treatment on the show, remember that this person knows they are on camera in front of millions of people during the confrontation and the followup. Anyone would say they have health problems, quit scamming people, took down their fake profile, and are working on getting help and improving their lives in that situation. Nobody watching that show knows what this individual is doing when they're not on a video chat with Nev and Max. They could have taken down the fake profile they got caught with and made fifteen more.

The second feature of Catfish that is not reflective of the reality of scammers is the confrontation. It is never safe to go to anyone's house when meeting them offline for the first time, and it is mever safe to confront someone you have realized is a scammer. The show may make it look like Max, Nev, and the client just show up while you watch, but the show is researched, filmed, and edited ahead of time by a very large crew. They are not truly walking into an unknown situation alone or in a small group as you or you and your friends or family members would be doing. If you are not seeing the warning signs of a scammer, arrange the first several meetings in a public place, and stay in public with the person. If you are seeing the warning signs of a scammer, do not confront them online or offline. Cut off all contact immediately.

Five Myths About the Victims of Romance Scams

By Soraya Grant

Sometimes, the healing process is slowed down because we believe one or more of the myths about people who are victimized by romance scammers. This can lead to giving yourself a mental beat down you wouldn't inflict on your worst enemy. See how many of the following false statements you find popping into your head.

Myth 1: These types of scams only happen to naive people. You must be the type that believes everybody about everything if you fell for a romance scam.

Reality: Romance scams do happen to naive people. They also happen to cynical people and to people with a perfectly balanced sense of faith in others. Scammers study profiles, chat room dialogue, emails, and social networking pages to form a profile for each of their victims. If someone does seem to be naive, the scammer will certainly use that, but scammers also know how to manipulate a cynical person into believing their story is real.

 

Myth 2: Romance scam victims spend their entire life communicating with people they only know online. If you would just make some friends you could spend time with in person you wouldn't wind up talking to romance scammers.

Reality: People have been targetted by romance scammers during their first tries on dating sites or their first experience in a chatroom. Scammers who are out for money or for a general sense of revenge on the world go after anyone and everyone who communicates with them once. Scammers who target individuals for personal revenge use online environments because they are easier to hide in than offline environments. Some romance scam victims are people who live online, some mix online and offline communities, and some barely touch their computers outside of work.

 

Myth 3: Posting sexy photos online, flirting with everyone who is (or seems to be) attractive, and telling a lot of dirty jokes or talking about dating and intimate activity a lot draws scammers. If you were a little more humble and didn't spend so much time trying to show everybody how hot you are, they wouldn't have noticed you.

Reality: Scammers who are working for money or for a general sense of revenge fish for victims at random. It may seem like they "chose" you, but that is only because once you began communicating with them, they began tailoring the scam to you. There is nothing on your profile, chat dialogue, or social networking site that "made" the scammer notice you or pick you. If someone you know offline, or have had previous encounters with online, targeted you for a scam for personal revenge, that shows them to be a cruel and immature person who deals with their negative feelings by harming others. It says nothing about your character.

 

Myth 4: Romance scam victims have a general sense of low self worth, or at least struggle with believing men or women find them physically attractive. If you would just be more confident, these scammers wouldn't be able to manipulate you.

Reality: Romance scammers are happy to use self image struggles to manipulate their victims. They are also ready, willing, and able to scam people whose self image is inflated in one or more areas, and those with balanced and realistic views of themselves. Scammers are skilled at learning both their victims' weak and strong points and manipulating them to brainwash the person into believing they have really entered into a romantic relationship with someone online.

 

Myth 5: People who say they have been " online romance scammed" or "catfished" are just being dramatic. Everybody dates and/or befriends people they later realize are up to no good, both online and offline. It really isn't any big deal.

Reality: Romance scammers go far beyond the run of the mill jerk or creepy person that seemed nice at first. These scams involve brainwashing and humiliation, and in many cases, severe financial losses. Some scam victims even face legal problems. Being the victim of an online romance scam does not have to ruin your life. There is hope, and there is healing, and there is more out there for you than being the target of a romance scam. But it is serious and something that will take time to cope with.

Stop Blaming Yourself For the Scam

by Soraya Grant

The only people who are at fault during a scam are the people who are involved in running the scam, but you would never know that if you listened to the inner voice of many scam victims. As soon as we learned we have been scammed, most of us let loose with a verbal beating that we would not give to our worst enemy.


"How could I have missed the horrible word usage and grammar?"
Victims of Nigerian and other foreign scams often look back and realize the person they thought they were communicating with was actually somebody who struggled to speak English or seemed to speak in long uninterrupted paragraphs that, now that they look closely at them, were clearly cut and pasted from somebody else's chat log or web page. You begin wondering how anyone, including you, didn't pick up on this right away. When this happens, remember that context and situations play a huge part in the way all human beings perceive things.

The television show "Would You Fall For That?" is a new series about lighthearted hoaxes designed to reveal psychological quirks that all people share. In one experiment, the show's hosts had a child who had never painted before randomly throw some paint on canvas. The results were then presented as an art show by an art prodigy. Many people were filmed talking about the work, and even art experts believed that they were looking at real paintings. They saw the splashes of paint, but instead of interpreting them as randomly splashed paint, they interpreted them through the lens of looking at the work of an art prodigy at an art show. Dark splashes were anger. Swirls were confusion. Why? Because the situation was set up for them to believe they were looking at real art at an art show and that's what they would think if they were interpreting art.

The same thing happened to you when you encountered the foreign scammer's odd way of speaking. You saw it, but instead of interpreting it as somebody struggling with the language or cutting and pasting, you interpreted it through the lens of truly dating a real person you met online. Poor English became bad typing skills and cutting and pasting became a long winded person. Why? Because the situation was set up so that you would believe you were talking to real person in a real relationship with you, and that's what you...or anyone..would think if you were speaking to a real person online who typed this way.

This detail mainly applies to victims of Nigerian and other foreign scams, but victims of all types of scammers, including Americans, may be beating themselves up over repeated lines or words scammers use to save time. Again, you were not stupid. You did what any human being would do...you interpreted what was happening in accordance with the situation you believed yourself to be in.


"How could I have been naive enough to tell this person I loved them and make a commitment to them?"
You weren't naive. You were set up. The scammer may have told you they loved you very early on in the relationship, but before that, they carefully crafted a perfect person for you. It already looked like a miracle or a special blessing or burst of good fortune that you even met somebody so well suited to you. When that person fell in love with you right away, you didn't see it for the red flag you now know it to be. You saw it as an extension of the miracle or run of good fortune that had already begun when you met them.

The scammer set you up to expect miracles in your dating life by making you believe you had already met the greatest man or woman you would ever meet, so when they said "I love you" or "I feel a connection between us" or "I think I've found the one" you saw what you had been set up to see.


"How could I be so stupid as to send them money/offer them money/reship packages/do banking for this person?"
Most people would do this for someone dealing with the impossible hardship and suffering the scammers describe. The problem isn't that you were willing to do such generous things, the problem is that the scammer was not who they said they were and the situation they described didn't actually exist. The scammer used your feelings for the character they created, and strengths such as generosity and empathy, to manipulate you into believing the situations did exist. It had nothing to do with being stupid.


"They must have picked me because they could tell I have no self confidence in..."
The vast majority of scammers pick their victims at random. While they will certainly use low self confidence about your intelligence, appearance, or anything else you may not feel good about to mentally manipulate you, they did not choose you because of anything you project. Nigerian scammers and American money scammers communicate with anybody they think they can brainwash into sending them money...and that would be anybody who speaks to them. American revenge scammers go for anybody they think they can mess with, which again, is anybody who speaks to them. Even if your scammer was somebody who knows you and targeted you personally, it still isn't because you brought it on. It's because they chose to deal with whatever inspired them to run the scam by doing something devious and cruel instead of dealing with it in a normal way.


"It's my fault. If I didn't flirt with everybody I found attractive or post so many shirtless/swimsuit/glamour photos on my web pages, this wouldn't happen."
Notice that this is the exact opposite of the section above it. Scam victims tend to blame their own character flaws or quirks for the scam, no matter what they are. But it is never the fault of the victim. A scammer will certainly use high self-confidence in their manipulation tactics, but they would also use any other trait a victim had. And it does not matter if you flirted with the person. Does every person you have ever seen flirt with anyone get scammed by that person? Flirting does not cause scamming. Neither does having a perfectly chaste conversation, or speaking in short sentences, or speaking in long sentences. Scamming is never a punishment for anything you did or said.


"If I weren't so needy, I would have picked up on the red flags a lot sooner."
The desire to believe someone loves you is not "needy." Human beings are social creatures. It is the way we are designed. Numerous health problems have been linked to loneliness and social isolation. While it is true that we often don't see the red flags because we work to convince ourselves that there is a reasonable explanation behind them, that does not mean you are "needy." It means you are a perfectly normal human being.


"It's my own fault for not telling a family member or friend and keeping secrets."
Scammers socially isolate their victims by giving them projects, messing up their schedules, and demanding secrecy in the relationship as a loyalty test. If you do manage to tell someone, and the person points out the suspicious details of the story, the scammer is ready to convince you that the person is just jealous. It is a good idea to tell someone you already know well and trust about any online relationship you enter into, no matter how casual. There is a better chance they will notice odd details that you won't, since you are being worked on by the scammer and they are not. But you did not cause the scam by keeping the relationship secret.



　

What Not to Say When a Friend Has Been Scammed

By Soraya Grant

Learning a friend has been the victim of an online romance scam is a shock. While you and your friend are both adults and perfectly capable of choosing your own words and monitoring your own behavior, there are times that the shock of learning a friend or family member has been scammed causes a person to misunderstand, blurt, or panic. Continue to speak to the person as you always have, but remember that there are some things it is important not to say to a scam victim.

1...."How could you be so naive? Couldn't you tell this was fake?"

Why This Hurts: Scammers of all types devote a great deal of time and effort to convincing their targets that the online persona and the relationship is real. Much of this time and effort is channeled into the same type of mind control techniques used by cult leaders and domestic and dating violence perpetrators. Scam victims span the range of personality types, and even the most cynical can fall victim to an online romance scam.

2...."You made a commitment to somebody online? What were you thinking?"

Why This Hurts: The scammer used the same brainwashing techniques described above to convince your friend that this relationship was special and unique. If your friend was unfamiliar with scams before their own scam, they saw the early and intense declarations of love as something magical that happened to them, rather than as the common red flag they are.

3....."Well this was bound to happen. You flirt with every guy (or girl) who puts up a hot picture of themself on Facebook."

Why This Hurts: No matter what type of scam it was, how long it went on, or what the person lost in the scam, it was not their fault. The only people who are at fault during a scam are the people who are running the scam. Being scammed is not punishment for flirting or any other dating or social behavior.

4..."My ex boyfriend/girlfriend/former crush turned out to be a real jerk too."

Why This Hurts: No matter what happened during your last relationship or the last time you were interested in somebody, it was not the same thing as being scammed. Being scammed is a different experience from real dating and real relationships.

5..."Let's work on setting boundaries and establishing supports.."

Why This Hurts: Now is not the time to play therapist and speak in psychobabble. That is unhelpful and off putting to a lot of people at any time, but your friend especially needs real-life, down to earth, ordinary friendship right now. Speak to them in your normal voice using everyday words.

6..."Sit down. First we're going to make you a new budget. Then we're going to go through your stuff and throw out everything you bought during the scam, then we'll have dinner and come back and .."

Why This Hurts: The scammer has had control over your friend for the duration of the scam. Your friend needs to take back control over his or her own life. Do urge your friend to take safety precautions; delete, block, and ignore every piece of communication from the scammer, cancel any credit or debit cards they've given out to them, refuse any packages the scammers sends...but beyond that, your friend needs to be allowed to make their own decisions again.

7..."That's too bad. Let's go have one of our fun Friday nights and forget all about it."

Why This Hurts: It sounds like you think being the victim of an online romance scam isn't anything more than a bad day. If your friend is the type who really would be helped by doing something fun right now, make sure you let them know you understand how serious the scam is first, and ask them if they would like to have a Friday night like you guys used to rather than brushing things off.

8..."Well no wonder they went for you. You're hot!"

 

Why This Hurts: Complimenting a friend is sweet, but remember that many scam victims want nothing to do with any form of flirting, dating, or attractiveness for a while. This type of statement also shows a serious misunderstanding of scammers. Nigerian scammers, American money scammers, and American revenge scammers who target random people do not even form opinions of what the victim looks like. They pick anybody who will serve their purpose and say anything they need to say to get their way. If the scam was carried out by an American who targetted your friend for personal revenge and that revenge did have something to do with them being attractive, the scammer certainly wasn't acting because they were charmed by that observation. Scamming, no matter what the goal, is a cruel thing to do to someone. It isn't a form of flattery.

9...."Well it's over now. Just drop it and move on."

Why This Hurts: Phrases like "get over it," "move on," and "just drop it" tend to have the same result as "don't look down." They make the person want to do the exact opposite. Yes, your friend will need to move on from the pain of the scam, but you can't make it happen by commanding them to do it.

10..."How are you going to get your money back?"

 

Why This Hurts: If your friend was the victim of a money scam that lasted long enough for them to be persuaded to send money, that money is gone. It doesn't matter if it was a Nigerian scam or an American money scam. Any money they sent is gone. Your friend is also not going to get back any gifts they sent.

Re-Scamming

by Soraya Grant

You have studied the Scams of the Heart squidoo page, main page, and blog, and know that you have been scammed. It was tempting to lash out at the scammer by listing all the red flags that lead to that realization, but you know all a scammer would do with that information is take notes in order to craft a better scam next time, so you wisely said nothing more than "I know this situation wasn't real and I don't wish to communicate with you anymore." You also know confronting a scammer directly is a dangerous idea, so you simply began deleting all their correspondence and blocking their accounts from yours.

 

But wait...you receive a message through one of the accounts you haven't gotten around to blocking yet. It may even be from a new account the scammer has created. You were expecting some nasty, angry threats, but this is startling. It's a confession and an apology.

Things have been going so horribly for you lately, you may be tempted to believe a miracle has occurred. The idea that your love and influence has broken through and reformed a scammer is a beautiful idea. Sadly, that is not what is going on here. The scammer is only trying to re-scam you.

Nigerian Scammers

What Happens:

The message is from a young person in Nigeria, Ghana, or another nation in west Africa or the former USSR. They admit that they were part of an organized scam ring, and confess that they only wanted to steal your money and/or trick you into receiving and reshipping illegal packages for them. The person apologizes, promises their contact with that ring has ended, and tells you that they grew to love you during the scam. They may say they fell in love with you, or they might tell you they grew to love you as a close or best friend. The person may promise they can get your money back. They hope you will forgive them and start a whole new friendship with the real person behind the now deleted character.

What Is Really Going On:

This is nothing more than another page in the scammer's script. It does not matter how sweet or sorry the scammer sounds, they do not mean it. It is likely they barely know what it says, and it is entirely possible that some person you haven't even spoken with before sent you that message.

If you accept this gesture of attraction or friendship, the person will eventually begin asking you for little favors again. They may want you to accept and reship packages again, "promising" that it is just souvenirs for a family member. The person might hint or ask for more money, this time for school supplies or other items for their real children or other family members. They may also ask you for information about romance scams groups, claiming they want to educate other scammers about the harm they are causing.

The scammer may be using somebody's real identity and personality now, but they are still running a scam. The packages will still be illegal. The money is still for their scamming business. Any cell phones or laptops you send will only be used to run new scams. The information they ask for is not to reform other scammers, but to help their own scam ring craft scams that are harder to detect.

What To Do:

Delete any messages, photos or other correspondence you get from this person and block any new accounts they create from your accounts, just as you did the first time. Ignore them completely. Do not give in to this, no matter what the person says. Do not argue with them or challenge them. This is just another play in the Nigerian scammer playbook.

 

American Money Scammers

What Happens:

The message is from the American or Americans who scammed you and convinced you to send or offer to send money or do favors for them. They admit they were not the person they pretended to be online, reveal several more real details, and apologize profusely for the scam. They may admit that they routinely run copycats of the Nigerian scam, or they might claim that all other scam victims you have talked to are lying and say they've never done anything like this before. Like the Nigerian scammer whose methods they've adopted, this person will tell you that your love reformed them. They might claim to have genuinely fallen in love with you while scamming you, or they might insist they grew to love you as a close friend during the course of the scam, think about you every day, and wonder how you are doing.

What Is Really Going On:

The American money scammer has studied the Nigerian scam well, and is borrowing their "Plan B" for when their scam gets discovered. They will eventually begin asking you for money, gifts, and favors again. It may be the same things as before, only with a "real" reason behind it. For example, a scammer who was hinting for money to enable him to travel to your first date might admit he's really a married man, but claim his wife is pregnant or sick or lost her job, and he needs your help as a friend to get by. It might be different requests, such as asking you for money before, but now needing you to accept packages and reship them to business clients while they are "on vacation." But they will want some form of money, gifts, or favors from you. Like the Nigerian scammer, they may want to know all about the ways you discovered it was a scam, and like the Nigerian scammer, they are not doing this because they admire your researching skills or want to tell anyone else who gets the idea to run a romance scam for money how horrible it is. They are looking for tips and tricks to make their scam harder for future victims to detect.

If you accept this gesture of love or friendship, you will only be scammed again in the future. You will also unwittingly help the scammers go after other people.

What To Do:

Delete any messages, photos or other correspondence you get from this person and block or ignore any new accounts they create from your accounts, just as you did the first time. Do not give in to this, no matter what the person says. Do not argue with them or challenge them. This is just another play in the American money scammer playbook. Notice that this paragraph is the same as the one above, with one word changed. That is because the scam is the same as the Nigerian scam, with one detail (where the scammers live) changed. It is dangerous to have any further contact with both Nigerian scammers and American money scammers.

American Revenge Scammers

What Happens:

The message is from the person who scammed you. The may claim they are deeply apologetic, or they may say "sorry" but tack on a flurry of excuses about having low self esteem, wanting to see what it's like to be someone else, or being afraid people would reject them if they knew the real person behind the scam. They swear they have stopped scamming people, and removed fake Facebook profiles, dating site accounts, etc to "prove" it. As with all other scammers, this person may claim they fell in love with you, or grew to love you as a close friend during the course of the scam.

What Is Really Going On:

This is a person who routinely lies to and manipulates other people online as a hobby the way most people play sports or read up on a favorite subject or garden. They are not sorry, and the shutting down of the fake account that you know about only means they have shut down that particular scam. This person may be playing the role of ten other people online and you would never know it. At this point, they are just hoping you will feel sorry enough for them to brush off what they did to you and avoid reporting them to the website or telling others in their online networks what they have been doing on there.

If you accept their offers of romance or friendship, you will be forever wondering if what they are telling you is true, or if it's just part of another scam. The person might even be using access to your photos or dialogue to run scams on other people.

What To Do:

Delete and block and ignore the person just as you would with any other scammer.

American Personal Revenge Scammers

What Happens:

The message is from the person who scammed you. They tell you who they really are and why they did what they did. Their tone may still be angry, but the person claims they have forgiven you and they are sorry for tricking you online. This type of scammer may not lay on the love and/or friendship talk, only because you already know who it is and what they think about you, though some scammers of this type claim they did it for your own good. They swear they will never do anything like that again, to you or anyone else. They might remove fake profiles or take the invented details or stolen photos out of their own profiles to "prove" their sincerity.

What Is Really Going On:

The scammer just doesn't want reported to the web site or to face any other consequences for what they did. No matter who you knew this person to be before, you have just learned that they are someone who would use brainwashing techniques just to get their own way in whatever situation inspired them to run a scam.

If you accept any excuses or take the blame for the situation, you are only telling that person that it is okay to handle disagreements or disappointments in a devious and cruel way.

What To Do:

Delete, block, and ignore this person everywhere they were ever able to get in touch with you, just as you would any other scammer.

American Romance Scams

American Romance Scams

by Soraya Grant

Most romance scams are carried out by organized gangs of criminals located in Nigeria, Ghana, or other west African nations. Countries of the former Soviet Union are also common locations for rings of foreign scammers. Some who study or fight against romance scams believe that these are the only types of romance scams that exist, but reality shows such as "Catfish" and the "Tall Hot Blonde" case reveal that many romance scams are carried out by Americans.

Most of the details of an American romance scam are identical to those of a foreign romance scam. The scammer will start with a base character, then use details you reveal on an online dating profile, social networking page, forum, or chat room to tailor that character to you. They will claim to fall in love with you very quickly and without ever meeting you offline. Once they believe they have you hooked, they will string you along, pretending to be in a relationship with you, but generating excuses when you ask them to meet you in person. You may notice that the details of their life seems inconsistent with their online and phone behavior. For example, they may claim they are a police officer on night shift, yet never be too tired to chat during the day when a real officer on nights would be asleep, or talk about having a teenage son but act confused or vague when you mention coping with your own teen's parent-teacher meetings, fads, or daily schedule. Repeated lines are also common, as the scammer may be talking to several people at once while pretending to only talk to one person. Stolen photos and/or invented descriptions are commonly used. It is also not uncommon for more than one person to be involved in the scam. The American scammer may have some friends or relatives who were in on the scam from the start, or they may talk someone else in to pretending to be them on the phone to cover up the fact that their gender, accent, or age is different from the character they are playing in order to run their scam.

Like the Nigerian scammers, American scammers will invent health problems, travel difficulties, family problems, and financial difficulties as reasons to avoid meeting and/or persuade you to send them gifts or money or do favors for them.. As with the Nigerian scam, if you accept and reship packages of illegal materials, take phone calls or answer emails that turn out to be related to drug deals, or deposit money in an account for someone who is engaged in illegal activity, you may still be charged and convicted of a crime. It is also impossible to get back any money you sent to someone in America because they talked you into giving it to them. Attempting to confront an American romance scammer is just as dangerous as attempting to confront a foreign romance scammer.

Despite these similarities, there are a few details of an American romance scam that may be different from one based overseas.

More Real Details May Be Used

The only detail of a Nigerian scam that isn't invented is the point when the victim is told their "love" is in Nigeria or Ghana. American scammers may mix in some more small pieces of reality. They might use their real name, details from online articles that mention them, such as a former spouse's obituary or a child's engagement announcement, or reveal their real workplace. This does not mean the person you talk to or the relationship is real. It just means it's easier for the scammers that way. It saves them the trouble of making up a story about why they can't take a personal check made out to their name when they take your money. American scammers may also not be as experienced as Nigerian scammers, and it could be easier for them to play characters based on themselves. Using a real name, and some real details from their life is also a manipulation tactic. They plant these details knowing you will research them online, see that what they are telling you "checks out," and trust them. Anyone who discovers they have been scammed by an American using his or her real name must remember not to mention the scammer's full real name anywhere online or if quoted as a source for an article about romance scams. Nobody is trying to coddle or protect the scammer.. This is done to make sure the scammer cannot sue the web site, victim, or publication for slander or libel.

The "Poor Grammar" Red Flag Does Not Apply

This is one red flag that is unique to the Nigerian or other foreign scams. The person you are actually talking to may speak very little English and will often cut and paste dialogue from different web pages or muddle through the conversation with incorrect English, using the excuse that they can't type well or have a sticky keyboard to explain it away if challenged. American scammers ' dialogue and notes may be as flawlessly written as those from the real people you talk to online. The absence of muddled English, often called "scammer grammar" does not mean you are not being scammed. It merely means you are being scammed by someone who speaks fluent English.

Requests for Money Are Often More Subtle

American scammers don't have the "I'm trapped in Ghana" story with all the made up taxes, fees, currency issues, and other completely invented reasons they need you to send your money right now. Their stories often take place entirely in America, and they know their victims will be aware of other ways to deal with the situation they describe. For example, if a scammer tells his victim he just lost his job, traveled to a strange city to interview for a new one, learned the job was a hoax, and is now stranded all weekend without the hotel room and food money the company promised, the victim will know he could go to a soup kitchen, food bank, church, or other local service organization for help. Some American scammers do boldly ask for money, but others drop increasingly strong hints until the victim offers them the money. One member of "Scams of the Heart" had an American scammer who planned an elaborate first date that would require him to travel and then began regaling her with tales of medical problems for him and his family, complained of being in a low paying job, and talked at length about struggling and being under stress until the victim offered to send money for his travel and for some of his bills to enable them to be together. The scam was nothing more than a subtle, Americanized twist on the classic Nigerian "I can't get to you without your money" scam.

The Scam Might Not be a Money Scam

Some American scams are copycat Nigerian scams, but other American scammers' goals are not financial. Many American scammers act out of a desire for revenge. They may be angry over some experiences from their past and get a kick out of messing with people the way people have messed with them. A man who has been rejected by a lot of women might create a male character, scam women, and feel he has gotten back at the female population in general when he emotionally manipulates and deceives a woman online. Some Americans set out to scam people they know as a form of punishment for something the person has done to them. This does not make the situation any less of a scam. It just removes the "asks or hints for money" warning sign.

The Victim May Not be as Readily Believed

Scams of the Heart welcomes and cares for victims of all types of romance scams. If somebody pretended to be a completely fake person or invented a fake version of him or herself, used that character to manipulate you into thinking you had a boyfriend or girlfriend, and then used you to unknowingly perform illegal activity, conned you into sending them money, or humiliated you for revenge, you will find hope here. This is not true of all groups of people, whether they meet online or offline. Some people might brush your scammer off as an ordinary everyday jerk and chime in with their own "bad relationship" or "crush who turned out to be a loser" story. In some cases the person means no harm. They honestly don't understand that a scammer, no matter where they live, is different than a bad date or bad relationship or marriage. Direct them to this web site to learn more about scamming, and answer their questions as honestly as you can. In other instances, the person you are trying to tell the story to is flat out being a jerk. Avoid fighting with these people. If you have just discovered you've been scammed, you do not need any more stress. It is far better to just bow out of the group or conversation and find genuine support. (If you're reading this, you found it).

It May be Harder for the Victim to Accept that It's a Scam

The more reality the scammer mixes in with their fiction, the more it can seem like you were in a real relationship with an actual human being. It may be a struggle to fully accept it that you never did have a girlfriend named "Jane Doe38" when you're looking at the web page of a real business that does indeed list a "Jane Doe38" as manager. It is probably hard not to look back and wonder how her brother is doing when you read a graduation announcement for a real kid in their local paper online, even if you have come to realize that kid never had the health problems his sister detailed in order to get your money. Whenever you are tempted to think a selection of real details makes a situation real, think of historical fiction. TC Boyle is particularly skilled at taking real historical figures or events and using them in his novels. Both Harvey Kellog and Alfred Kinsey have appeared as characters in his work. However, neither man was ever in any of the exact situations Boyle describes, they never said the words he uses as their dialogue, and most of the other people they interact with were invented by the author. Boyle's work is still fiction. The same holds true for your scam. Mixing a few real details into a scam is like sprinkling bakery sprinkles on a ceramic cupcake. It may have a few pieces of a real dessert, but it is still not a real dessert.