by Soraya Grant
Noticing a pattern of warning signs
that indicate a friend may be in a scammer's grip is scary. This
isn't some everyday problem. You can't just walk up to the person and
say, "hey it looks like you have a scammer" the way you'd
tell them their keys were about to fall out of their pocket. But
there are a few things you can do to guide them to discovering the
truth and seeking help.
#1: Speak to them using ordinary words
and tone.
We are not here to offer you preset
phrases and settings for bringing up the subject with your friend.
Just make sure it's a normal conversation. Scolding another adult as
though he or she were a child is not appropriate, and talking in
"psychobabble" is off putting. No matter what you decide to
say, talk to the person as you would talk to them about any other
serious subject.
#2: If you truly cannot bring yourself
to talk about their situation, try talking about romance scams in
more general terms.
Sometimes we know a friend or family
member needs to face something, but we can also tell they just aren't
going to do so until they come to the decision on their own. Mention
our site by telling them it was something you came across doing
research for someone they don't know, or that it's a site you just
happened to stumble upon while looking into online dating, internet
safety, relationship articles, or a general blog tour and beging a
general discussion about online romance scams. Encourage your friend
to read our blog and squidoo page.
#3: Educate yourself on internet
romance scams
Before helping someone else with a
problem, it helps to know what you are dealing with. Read over some
of our articles on here and on our squidoo page to learn the major
warning signs, types of scams, and some of the issues scam victims
deal with.
#4: Expect your friend to react
negatively at first
Scammers brainwash their victims.
Unless it is very early in what they believe to be a relationship
(but is actually a scam) your friend is not going to be entirely
himself. Even if this person has always been open and honest with
you, or is the type to listen anytime someone presents a good
argument, they may lie to you, lash out at you, brush you off and
pretend nothing serious is going on, or become even more secretive
and withdrawn. Keep being there for them and checking in on them. The
person is not acting this way because they truly wish you'd
disappear. The scammer has them convinced that friends and family
will be jealous or won't be able to understand the deep bond the two
of them share.
#5: Do everything you can to stop your
friend from sending money, buying and sending gifts, doing banking
errands for the scammer, or agreeing to accept and ship anything for
them.
We still cannot promise the person
won't do it, but if your friend is to the point where she is doing
anything related to purchasing and finances or reshipping packages
for someone online, it is a definite scam. Your friend will lose any
money or items she sends to this person, and if she accepts and
reships packages that turn out to be illegal, or deposits funds into
bank accounts linked to illegal activity, she may face arrest and
problems with the law herself.
#6: Forgive your friend for any scam
related bad treatment
This may be difficult. Scammers use
mind control techniques to make their victims believe some pretty
outlandish things, and the victims will of course behave as though
these things are true. It may be hard to not just yell back and storm
off at someone who just responded to your concern by accusing you of
being against their happiness. It may also be hard to keep inviting
someone out who keeps turning you down, or texing or calling someone
who never writes back or picks up. But remember that your friend or
family member is in the grips of people who practice mind control
techniques on a daily basis. This doesn't mean your friend gets to be
cruel to you, and you're supposed to just smile and take it. There is
nothing wrong with backing away for a bit, or telling them you will
not take that kind of treatment from them. But once things calm down,
don't hold their past behavior against them. Make the first move
toward patching things up.
#7: Never attempt to confront or stop
the scammer. We repeat....NEVER attempt to stop or confront the
scammer.
The television show "Catfish"
does an absolutely wonderful service to the world by bringing
attention to online dating scams and making them easier for people to
talk about, and much of what they teach on the show is a good idea to
follow. You absolutely should look for red flags, run photos through
reverse search engines, and find out as much about the online "love"
as possible. But there are two points where "Catfish" gets
it wrong. One is acting as though most scammers had real feelings for
their victims and just didn't realize how much harm they were
causing. The other is making it seem as though it is safe to confront
the scammer. Those details make a great television show with a happy
or at least bittersweet. ending, but they do not reflect the
circumstances of ordinary people. The hosts of "Catfish"
are surrounded by a camera crew sent by an internationally famous
television network. You and your friends are not. The scammers also
know they are being filmed both during the confrontation and during
the followup. Neither you nor your friend has any idea who the person
behind the scam really is. If it is a Nigerian scam, it could be any
number of members of any organized criminal gang. If it is a
domestic scam, the real person playing the online part of your
friend's love could be someone willing to commit any number of
violent crimes. Your friend's scammer could harm you or your friend
before either of you had time to film them and upload it to a site
where anyone could see it and step in.
No comments:
Post a Comment