By
Soraya Grant
The following article
contains adult subject matter and is intended for our readers aged 18
and older.
Cybersex,
also called "sexting" can include trading explicit written
descriptions of sexual acts you would like to perform with the other
person via text message, chat room conversation, IM, or email,
sending or accepting nude or revealing photos or videos of the other
person, or stripping and engaging in intimate acts via a webcam.
Many
people engage in some or all of these acts during the course of their
scam, and memories of these acts are often a source of embarrassment,
worry, shame, and guilt. These feelings are often difficult to cope
with, because they are so difficult to talk about, or even to think
about or write out in your journal. Regardless of the amount of
detail you decide to reveal to others or ponder in private, there are
some things to keep in mind.
You Did Not Have Cybersex or "Sext" with Anyone
In order to have any type of sex, everyone involved in
the sexual act must consent to the activity. If an individual did not
consent, that person didn't have sex, that person was the victim of
sexual assault. Unfortunately, unless you have absolute proof that
the scammer was an adult and the victim was underage, a scammer
cannot be prosecuted for online sexual coercion. But if you engaged
in any type of online sexual activity with the scammer, what happened
to you was not the online version of sex. It was the online version
of sexual assault. During the acts, you believed you were engaging in
sexual activity with the character the scammer created. In reality,
someone else was sitting behind that computer screen. You never
consented to any form of sexual activity with that person.
Consider the offline version of the scammer's behavior:
Suppose you are at a fairly wild weekend party, at which
it is known that people slip off to private areas of the building to
hook up. There is someone at the party you want to have sex with. At
some point in the evening, you feel a bit worn down, and decide to
use one of these areas to hide out by yourself for a bit. Someone
else enters the room without turning on the light and initiates
sexual activity. You believe it to be the man or woman you want to
have sex with and the acts occur. You wake alone the next morning and
overhear an entirely different person bragging about how they tricked
you last night. Would you recognize this as sexual assault and not
sex? Of course. What the scammer did was the same thing, just carried
out online. Just as if it were offline, being tricked or forced into
sexual activity you would not truly want is never your fault.
We
Cannot Guarantee any Private Materials Won't Be Shared, but the
Chance is Miniscule
Once the scammer realizes you know the situation is a
scam, they might threaten to post any private materials they tricked
you into sending them on to pornographic web sites as revenge. As
hard as this may be to hear, this is a possibility. There are
numerous pornographic web sites online, and not all of them are
respectful enough to require signatures or other forms of consent
from anyone featured in a video, photo, or dialogue. At the same
time, the possibility is very remote. It is simply not in the
scammer's best interest to share your intimate materials for revenge. By doing so, they expose themselves, and they don't need the extra attention!
If your scam was a Nigerian scam or an American copycat
of a Nigerian scam, the scammers are in it for the money. Time spent
sorting out which explicit photo or video was taken from which
victim, making an account on the site, and uploading the material is
time taken away from manipulating other victims who are still willing
to send money.
American scammers who are out to manipulate anyone they
can for revenge over perceived past injustices are also not likely
to bother sharing your intimate videos, photos, or dialogue. These
people get their "payout" in the thrill of knowing they are
making someone fall in love with a character they created and messing
with the person's head. Like the money scammer, it is in their
personal interest to move right along to the next target.
Personal revenge scammers, those who target a specific
person for a scam in order to torment that individual, are not likely
to post items on pornographic web sites because it increases their
likelihood of getting into trouble. If you just found out the guy
across town has been scamming you because he's jealous of you, and
intimate videos you sent to a girlfriend that turned out to be a
character created by him show up online, you're going to know he did
it.
Many scam victims fear their private materials will be used in future scams. Again, nobody can promise you they won't, but regardless of the type of scam, the scammers are in it for the scammers, and they are going to use the easiest path possible. With all the pornographic web sites, nude and boudoir photography sites, lingerie modeling sites, etc out there, it is very unlikely that your materials will be selected.
You
Did Not Give the Scammer or Scammers a Thrill
Scammers want "cybersex" materials because it
makes the situation seem real, it make you think you've become close
to their created character, and it serves as an easy thing to
threaten you over, even if those threats are too much trouble for
them to carry out. They aren't doing it for sexual gratification, and
were likely watching porn during sexual chats or copying and pasting
dialogue from written porn sites. The only pleasure they got was
knowing they tricked you into doing it.
We Are Here for You
Scams of the Heart members will not judge you for any
activity, sexual or otherwise, that you engaged in under the
manipulation and control of the scammer.
No comments:
Post a Comment